The scans went well, I'll know the results on Monday. Got to browse the shops at Mayfair, then lunch with Tim and Scott. It was really nice to have lunch with them! I must say the food was delicious. I had the factory meatloaf, mashed potatos, mixed veggies. So much food, I have leftovers. I got the banana cream cheesecake to go, haven't dug into it yet, going to be tonight's snack. I stopped at the clinic for a follow up to yesterday's check up. Blood pressure was 106/70 and my temperature 97.8. Normal readings. Good thing! I was concerned seeing how close I am to the end, don't want things to go haywire now. I am a little tired, but feeling pretty good. Hopefully whatever ailment I may have been developing is not able to take hold. I'm going to lay my head down and rest.

Early mornings are rough. This is going to take some getting used to. Unless I can work at 10:00am each morning! I have the scans today at 7:30am. I am starving, but can not eat until afterwards. By then, I'll be ravenous. I'll definitely be stopping by Starbucks. I am wrestling with a cold, it's trying to settle in and I do not want it to. Fluids, plenty of fluids. Rest too. I won't be able to do that until later today. It's hard when your couch is already calling your name. On the bright side, I do get to have lunch with Tim and Scott at the Cheesecake Factory. Mmmmmmm. Cheesecake.

I get to the clinic, check in, they draw my blood and send me to infusion for my check up. As I was sitting there, I started getting really warm. I noticed I wasn't feeling very well. The nurse stopped by, looked at me and said "Matt, you don't look too good, are you feeling okay?" I muttered I didn't feel well at all. She took my temperature 100.7, my blood pressure 65/50. Yikes. They started an IV on me, saline, administered hydrochortisone, and took more blood samples. My blood pressure was taken again 97/60, and my temperature was 98.3. I was directed to drink plenty of fluids, take tylenol, rest and stop in tomorrow after my scans for another check up. I noticed I am getting congested, probably a cold. I don't want to catch one at this point. Grrrrrr. My platelets have fallen to 54. Very low. I need to get back up to around 100.

I hate when I have late afternoon appointments. It seems like such a waste of a day. I want to lounge all day, not get moving at 2:00pm because of my check up. Afterwards, I am going to have dinner with Mom, Dad, and Mike. I'm looking forward to dinner. Tomorrow I have the CT and Pet scans early in the morning.

Must be the rush of adrenaline. I had to go clean off the Jeep and move it so the manager could plow the parking area. I needed gas, so I decided to drive up to the gas station. The roads are not properly plowed yet, I put the Jeep in 4X4 and had a blast! Slipping and sliding around turns, pushing through snow banks. Awesome! The Jeep's on the street, I'm waiting for the parking lot to be cleared so I can park and settle back onto the couch. My adventure for the day is over.

Good thing I don't have anything to do today, I wouldn't want to do it anyways. Perfect day to hibernate, stretch out on the couch, drift in and out of sleep, and the gameshow network blaring in the background. As perfect as that may be, I still hate winter.

I've been a non-stop eating machine. Good thing I stocked up on junk food. My favorite snack at the moment is the new "Hot Chocolate" Pop-Tarts. I could devour the entire box. I like the rainbow chip cookies too, the devil squares, dunkin sticks, oreos. I must be feeling better today. I am still worn out, but the aches are fading. I want cheesecake.

It's been a battle to stay awake the last 24 hours. If I was in an upright position, I could feel my eyes close and my neck begin to sag. I would catch a short 10-15 minute nap then try to stay awake. Went on all afternoon and night. Finally turned the lights out around 11:00pm. I am wide awake now. Going to run up to the store to get milk. I think I'll be hibernating a lot this weekend.

Ever so slowly the aches are creeping in and settling. Today, tomorrow, and the next day are going to be the days I will feel my worst. One last time, that's all I got to get through. I'm doing all right, getting by. Been sleeping on and off throughout the morning. I did manage to get a walk in earlier, hauled out the old microwave. I am going to do some reading and watch some TV in between naps.

Thursday has been a good day all around. I went to lunch with Christine, stopped by Mom and Dad's for a cordless drill, and hung a new string of lights in the kitchen. The intention was to hang coffee mugs. I didn't like the way it was turning out, so I got creative. I really like what I did. I must own power tools!!! I think I am obsessed. I have been noticing that my strength has been waning throughout the day. I am tired now. So the last spiral begins. I shall push through. This is nothing. Plus I get to nap! The hiccups have gone, haven't noticed any apparent aches yet, I'm sure they'll be appearing any moment now.

Off running for the day. Going to the doctor's office for Neulasta. Then I'm going to the bookstore and Starbucks. The hiccup's have returned promptly, so they are going with me!

Treatments are over. WOO HOO!!! Of course the doctor upped the dosage to 75% since my lab results were outstanding, according to Casey. All counts were normal, except platelets, which were up over 100 this time. Dad went with me today, it was nice having him there. As the last 10ml of poison were running through my veins, I sighed, and said "I'm all done". The nurse came to remove the IV and said "you're done!", which I replied "I'm done, done". I only have two check ups and the CT and Pet Scans left to go. Oh yeah, and a Neulasta shot for tomorrow. I had lunch with Mom and Dad afterwards. Good food! Chicken cordon bleu, peas and carrots, buttered noodles, creamed cucumbers. Time for me to lay my head down, the couch is calling me.

I'm anxious, excited, nervous, apprehensive. Didn't get much sleep last night, the mind racing.

I sat for a good two and a half hours at the social security office this morning applying for disability benefits. Under the general terms, I am ineligible. Since the insurance company requested I apply, I did anyways. Saturday night I went out with Jody to Potowatomi. I did good, more than doubled my money within 10 minutes of playing on the slots. I stopped playing after that. Stayed just over three hours. It was a late night. I enjoyed it! Sunday I slept in most of the morning. I went over to my Mom and Dad's in the afternoon. Pat and Toni were there, since they are in town for a funeral, plus Tim and Julia were there. I got the coolest Kellogg's/Disney toys from Toni. One of them is destined to be a collector's item since only 1000 were produced but never marketed, and I own the entire set! It was nice seeing every one, stayed and watched a movie, then had dinner before coming home for the night and curling up on the couch. Tonight I am going to Mom and Dad's again to have dinner with them and Michael. I need a good home cooked meal! Tomorrow is my 12th and final chemotherapy treatment. As much as I dread it, I am thrilled to be at the end of it. FINALLY.

Christmas decorations have been taken down and put into storage. I went for my daily walk. I'm doing all right. The spasms have faded through the day Friday. All test results came back normal. I must have aggrevated some muscles somewhere. Going to do some cleaning and vacuuming and lounge this afternoon. I'm starting to feel in control of me again. That's a good thing.

Just got back from a walk around the block. I need to start rebuilding my strength and stamina. I am going to go for a daily walk to start out. One block, then two, as my strength builds. I have walked for the last three days. I should have done this all along. I have a 10:30am appointment at the clinic. They are going to run some blood work to check phosphorous, calcium, electrolyte, and other levels that may be a cause to the muscle spasms. I have been using a heat massager on my back, shoulders, and arms, but the spasm remains. It's so bizarre. I wonder if I should go to the chiropracter and have an adjustment done. Hmmm . . . .

Last evening turned out to be my worst moment since this process began. I had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. Luckily my brother Tim called in the middle of my hysteria. He patiently listened through my ramblings. I have had a muscle spasm in my left bicep since Tuesday night. It is continuous. I have tried heat, massage, tub soaking, pain relievers. Nothing helps. The spasms keep me awake, and the moments I do fall asleep, a spasm jolts me awake. I have called the clinic to see what I can do. Today I am calm, actually feel pretty good, still have the spasms. It can be so maddening, frustrating, annoying sometime.

Slept horribly, tossed and turned all night, finally fell asleep around 5:00am. I am up because the phone rang, damn solicitors. I am going to unplug. I haven't been feeling all that well the last few days, mostly worn out, slightly achy. Late New Year's Day around 10:00pm I went driving about the neighborhood, looking at decorations. It made me feel better, it made me feel sad. Yesterday, I had my check up. Everything is fine, platelets low but holding. I walked four flights of stairs to see if I could do it. I just barely made it up the last flight. I am a wreck physically. All this is running through my head, while facing one more treatment. No wonder I didn't get any sleep. Thankfully America's Next Top Model Marathon is running on VH1. I have now seen seasons one, two, and three. God I need a life.

I was up at 12:00am, the new year arrived as expected. I spent the night watching TV and reading. It was a nice quiet evening. Usually on New Year's Day I go down to the lakefront to watch the Polar Bears jump in the lake. Jody called to invite me. As much as I want to go, I am staying home. I am extremely tired and weak today. It is a couch day. I did some dishes and have set up my new talking microwave "Esther". She speaks english and spanish. Having a talking microwave is awesome. Tomorrow I have my weekly check up and I have to go to the Social Security Office. My insurance company has recommended that I apply, I may be eligible for benefits. It's time for a nap.

It's been one hectic year. All of it seems to be condensed into the months from July to December. I am unaware of things prior to having cancer. Cancer changes you, or you change because of the cancer. Things are different. 2007 will be different. I am different. I am cancer free. I am Me.

Pretty much the same story here. Achy, tired, cranky.

Mostly been laying on the couch watching TV and resting. I'm starting to notice slight aches creeping into my joints, my fingertips and tongue are tingling, and I am tired. The hiccups are starting to dissipate, they should be gone by tomorrow. The coming days will be filled with side effects and plenty of rest.

Lounging about today, just taking it easy. Going through all my gifts and finding homes for them throughout the apartment. Kind of fun. Tomorrow will be an organization day, cleaning day. I got my Neulasta shot today, so I'm set for the week. Here on out it's going to be resting and taking care of myself. As the side effects appear, hiccups have joined me for the day, I have to work with them, tolerate them, get through them. The worst days will be Saturday and Sunday (New Years Eve). This year I plan on ringing in 2007 by watching some new DVDs and snacking. Nothing too exciting, but since I'm going to be spending it on the couch, it's a good plan. I might run out to Borders and pick up a book to read, even though I have several here I could start. You can never have enough things to read.

I hope everybody had a wonderful holiday with family and friends. After all, spending time with those you love is the best thing in the world. I got an amazing array of gifts, Thanks so much to everyone. Today I had my eleventh treatment. All my counts were good. The platelets were up, but are still low. I do need to have them monitored. I have to get a shot of Neulasta tomorrow, a check up next week, the last treatment the following week, a check up and CT Scan and Pet Scan the next week, and one last check up the week after that. This has been one hell of a journey.

Christmas is upon us, so let the celebrations begin. I'm looking forward to spending time with family and friends. I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Feeling better this morning. The headache has finally gone away. Last night I laid on the couch with a damp dish rag across my forehead. That helped very much. So did the Excedrin. The tylenol was just not working. I am doing some laundry, wrapping presents, just hanging out today. Going over by Mom and Dad's for lunch. I'm getting excited about Christmas, just a couple of days away!

Today I am in a bah humbug mood. Still dealing with the ever present headache. I did manage to get out and finish my christmas shopping. Surprisingly, the mall wasn't too crowded. Now to wrap everything. I sure hope my demeanor changes in the coming days, don't want to be a crabass on Christmas. I got a few days to lighten up.

Not a good day for me. I still have a miserable headache. The weather is dreary, adding to my glum mood. Slept most of the day and haven't done anything I need to get done. Tomorrow, I have no choice but to get going on things. I just wish the headacher would go away. Thanks Kim for the wonderful tin of cookies and snacks!

Moving slow today. Not feeling all that great, have a whopping headache and worn out. I have been sleeping on and off throughout the day. There's so much I want to get working on, but just can't motivate myself. There's always tomorrow because nothings happening today. At my check up on Monday everything was good except the platelets which fell to 70 from 103. That is a considerable drop, the normal range is 130-140. I have to be careful not to injure myself so there is no shaving this week. Hopefully the platelets will rise by my next treatment, because if they are low, I will not have treatment. Last night I went to celebrate my mom's birthday with my family. It was a really nice time, enjoyed getting together with everyone. I wasn't moving slow then!

Today I am feeling all right, the aches and pains have gone for now. I am a little tired out, but nothing a nap can't take care of. I have a check up this afternoon. I am going to go over to Mom and Dad's for dinner. Keeping myself busy, but not too busy. I do need to rest.

I got my haircut today! Something as simple as that really makes a difference. I feel human.

Aches and pains have been dulled with medication, today seems to be the peak. I took a shower, went out to lunch with Mom and Dad (had a really nice time with them today), came home and napped. By tomorrow, I should be able to function better.

My day is going to be spent on the couch. The aches are amping up and I am tired. Not complaining, just going through the next level of side effects until they fade, hopefully sometime between Friday night and Saturday. I am going to read, watch TV, sleep. It's a slow day for me.

Feeling completely different today than I did yesterday. The nausea has gone, the hiccups have returned, and the aches are slowly creeping upwards from the ankles. It seems I am back on track with the side effects. I plan on pretty much lounging about for the next few days, going to run up to the grocery store for some essentials, a few snacks. I'm doing all right, still have presents to wrap, cards to write, books to read, shows to watch, and couch to nap on. I'm doing good!

It's been an up and down day for me. I was woken up about 12:30am this morning by a wave of nausea and vomitting. The first time that has happened. Not pretty. I remained up until about 2:00am, I did take the additional prescribe nausea medicine that did seem to settle my stomach. I slept until 6:00am, got up, took some more medicine and tried to lay back down. I fell asleep about an hour later and slept until 9:30am. I got up, felt okay, showered, dressed, ate cream of wheat and yogurt for breakfast. Went to my appointment for my Neulasta shot, then finally to the DMV for emissions. There were absolutely no cars when I arrived, pulled right in to the stall, and was on my way within 10 minutes. That has never happened before in all the years I have been driving. Oh yeah, I passed. Currently I'm feeling all right. Not sure what to make for dinner, something not too spicy or heavy. I don't want to push it. The hiccups haven't shown up yet. Hmmmm. Oh the joys of chemotherapy and varying side effects. More writing out christmas cards tonight and TV of course. Right now I think I'm back to the couch and a nap. Considering the events of the early morning, I'm actually in quite a good mood.

The insolence continues . . .yet all my numbers were good, normal levels except those darn platelets, which were at 108, below normal by standards, but good for me. The treatment went well, getting jabbed by the needles didn't hurt this time around and my vein didn't collapse. I did enjoy my animal crackers and juice and actually read a couple of chapters of my latest book, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, a good vampire novel. While it is nice to have my tenth treatment out of the way, I still have two more to go. Right now my mindset is I just want it to be over with. I know it'll be done four weeks from now (getting treatments). It's going to be a long four weeks. Then perpetual recovery. I think I'm going to join a gym, 30 minute work out at lunch time, to gain strength and endurance. That will help with the archery. Right now, I'm smiling. Each day brings me closer to the finish line and my trip to Disney. Now I'm really smiling. I tried to lay down and take a nap after I got home from the clinic, but my mind is working. I am tired, will try again in a little while. Tonight I plan on writing out christmas cards. I keep procrastinating but I need to get them out. It'll be a fun exercise. (Trying to convince myself.) Time to escape to the couch. Have a good day/night everyone :)

I couldn't get myself motivated today. I slept on and off until well after noon. I finally broke out of my lethargy around 2:00pm. I ran up to the gas station and filled my tank, I was running low and wanted to have enough to get me to my appointment in the morning. It's an early one. For some reason, I am dreading it. I am getting close to the end, want it to be over. I know that after this treatment, I only have two more to go. I just am not looking forward to battling the side effects again and dealing with the weariness. I can have my animal crackers and cranberry juice snack while getting chemo, that I'm looking forward to. I'm being insolent, I know. Whatever it takes to get through the day. I had dinner with Mom and Dad last night, which was nice. As always, the food was delicious. Tonight I made myself a crab stuffed chicken breast, which was very tasty and mashed potatos, which didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted. I'll have to stick with instant mashed potatos, they never disappoint. Well that's about it for now, I'm ready to lounge on the couch, read and catch some TV before I drift off to sleep again.

Did some running around today, had lunch with Christine at Wendy's, and got some prescriptions refilled. Came home and took a nap. Feeling good, still tire easily. I notice it more when I am sitting still rather than moving about. I am trying to figure out a good balance of activity and rest. Much of the weekend I plan on staying home, cleaning, wrapping presents, addressing cards, reading, watching TV, Christmas DVDs, and resting. Keeping myself busy, but not too busy.

Brrrr. Cold. I keep waiting for the temperature to warm up and it's not happening. Brrrr. I'm feeling good, most of the effects from chemo have faded except the fatigue. I do what I can, then take a nap when I can. I plan on hibernating this weekend and rest up for my next treatment on Monday. I'm going to meet Kim, Jody, and Gail for lunch today, then take the car for emissions and get some refills on prescriptions. That will keep me occupied for a couple of hours. I plan on watching TV tonight and hanging out on the couch.

Everything's in check. All the levels are good, stats are good, will have my next treatment a week from now. I like hearing good news. I will be returning to work on January 29, 2007. I finally have an official ending point. Of course I will have to go in for follow ups and check ups, nothing I can't handle. I'm doing some laundry, going to go grocery shopping and rest. I have plenty of reading materials to catch up on.

Feeling better today, the aches are lessening, even though I am still tired. About 5:00pm Fireworks started going off down the street. I had a clear view of them from my living room, dining room, and kitchen windows. They were being fired off by the police station a block and a half away. They were loud, colorful, and spectacular. It must have been the tree lighting ceremony by city hall. I watched them with a huge smile on my face, I love fireworks! Tomorrow I have my weekly follow up at the doctor's office, then a week of rest and christmas shopping until my next chemotherapy treatment. I also need to get my vehicle into the DMV for emissions testing. That's going to be fun.

Fighting to stay awake today. It seems like for every ten minutes up, I'm sleeping twenty. Fatigue has set in and I ache from toe to fingertip. Right on schedule. I've been reading a page at a time, catching glimpses of TV shows, mostly dreaming. Not too productive of a day for me. Time for a nap.

Absolute blizzard conditions outside. I've been up since around 3:00am and have been watching the storm grow since. The storm of aches and fatigue is starting to rage inside now, so I'll be heading off to the couch shortly. Every time a car drives past, I wonder why would they be out in the storm. I am home and don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

The aches are creeping up on me as the hiccups are going away. I am going to be home pretty much this weekend, especially if the snow starts to fly. My peak ache days are tomorrow through Saturday anyways, so I wouldn't be going anywhere anyways. Didn't do much yesterday, some wash, some cleaning, lots of TV. Today seems to be the same, lounging on the couch and resting up. I like days like this.

24 hours later and I'm still sitting here thinking to myself, wow. I am thankful, grateful, relieved. It's been a long tough journey. I went and got a Neulasta shot this afternoon then to the bank and grocery store. Shortly afterwards, a thunderstorm rolled through. I watched it out my window. Unfortunately by weeks end it could be snowing out. I like the warmer weather much better. The hiccups have returned, random and sporatic. Feeling good. Wow.

COMPLETE REMISSION!!! I couldn't have asked for better news. When I got to the clinic, the waiting room was full. Not a good sign. I managed to get a seat right next to the aquarium so I spent the time watching the fish. About 30 minutes went by before I was called to have blood work. I was sent directly to the doctor after that. All stats were good, normal. All counts normal, platelets were down slightly, but that was expected. Then the 20 minute wait until the doctor arrived. He opened the door, shook my hand, and told me the news. The scans showed no trace of Hodgkins present in my body. He stated he was surprised by the results because of the minimal treatments (50%) I had received. By then we both were laughing, smiling. I am coming to the end of this journey. I will continue with four additional treatments at 50% to finish up. Today I received the first of the final treatments. January 8th is my last chemotherapy treatment. I am glad, excited, and tired. I believe it has been the support of my family, especially Mom and Dad, and the support of my friends that got me through. I can't believe it, Complete Remission!!!!

I've been stating all along that the reality of it all hasn't sunk in yet. I believe I was wrong, that it has been there from the very beginning. It floats into my conciousness at any given moment, sometimes I dwell on it, sometimes it's fleeting. Even when I'm feeling good, it's there. Today I just want it to be over and done with, so I can return to a normal routine, a normal life. My mind is fixated on what the results of the scans are going to show. I want to hear the words "In Remission" tomorrow. Badly. There is a lingering fatigue that I can't shake now, it's always present. It is a residual effect from the chemotherapy. When I'm feeling good, I'm still tired, sometimes worn out. Today I'm really noticing it. My day will be spent lying on the couch, in and out of sleep.

Spending most of my time on the couch resting up. Feeling pretty good, but have been tired the past couple of days. Got out, stopped in by Kim at the salon and visited for a short while, then over to Walgreens for some prescription refills. Talked to Heather on the phone, took a nap, ate dinner, and now going to watch some TV. Nothing too exciting.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! It's sunny and bright out, the weather nice, what a great day to celebrate. This year I have so much to be thankful for. My family and friends have been an integral part of my recovery. I don't have a large enough vocabulary to express my gratitude. I guess the best way would be to state it simply, Thank you. Enjoy your holiday!

Today I went to work for the monthly social and what a wonderful uplifting time I had. It was so good to see everyone at work. I ended up staying over two hours talking with people. I left there with such a big smile on my face, I'm looking forward to getting back to work. Thanks to everyone at SU for your kind words and encouragement. I work with a good group of people. As you can tell, I'm feeling good. Every day, I am getting better. I am on the road to recovery. Having the support of people around me makes this easier to cope with. I'm still smiling from my visit.

The CT Scans went fine, I had to drink sludge and wait about an hour before the scans were run. The doctor should have the results by my next appointment on Monday, the 27th. Afterwards I stopped in by Char and visited for a half an hour, then came home and ate lunch, followed by a nap. I'm feeling good, taking care of myself. I'm hoping the scans show no traces of the cancer and I will finally have an ending point to this. That is my hope.

Been busy today, dusted, vacuumed, began putting up christmas decorations. Got a call from Patrick about 3:30pm. Went and visited him and Toni at their hotel. We went out to eat at a restaurant by the hotel, I had nachos, looked at Toni's pictures from her trip to Hong Kong and China. I liked seeing how toys are manufactured, very interesting. Afterwards I came home and am watching TV, specifically Singing in the Rain. A classic. Tomorrow I plan on finishing decorating and am going to bake some gingerbread cookies, yum. I'm feeling good, all traces of side effects are pretty much gone. I'm going to continue my hibernation, resting is good for me.

Everything turned out well at my check up this morning. All counts are up to normal ranges, including my platelets! They are actually at the highest level since the beginning of treatment. That in itself is great. The strategy to do the 50% dose this time and plenty of rest worked. Of course my numbers will fall during week two, but since the levels are up, it's not such a bad thing. My blood pressure 103/60, temperature 98.5, pulse 88, weight 149. I'm feeling good. While I was at the doctor's office, Jody called and we met up for lunch at the Red Robin by Southridge. I had the Royal Red Robin Burger, which has a fried egg on it. Very delicious. I would recommend the restaurant, plenty of gourmet burgers and sandwiches to choose from. Now that I'm full, I think I am going to take a nap.

Woke up this morning about 5:00am and immediately noticed my body didn't ache the way it did yesterday. Things are going pretty good, still a little fatigued but getting better. Days 5 and 6 are the worst of the cycle without a doubt. Had lung tests again, my breathing is good, actually my output has increased since the first tests. I don't like the lung tests at all, have to endure them one more time once I am through with treatment. I'll breathe easier when everything is over with. (I know, bad pun.)

I fell into a deep sleep around 5:00am, woke up shortly after 9:30am. I felt like I had actually gotten some quality sleep. I threw on some clothes and ran out to the grocery store to stock up on necessities. I can still notice the aches in the joints and will lounge about for most of the day. I will be glad to get through today.

Wide awake and my whole body aches at this point. Late night TV is kind of boring, too many paid programs. Today is going to be tough to get through because my sleeping pattern has been altered. I will sleep when I can.

Feeling the effects today. My joints ache and I want to sleep, worn out. I am still in my pajamas and haven't gone far from the couch. I think I'm going to soak in the tub for a while. In between short naps, I have been reading and watching some TV. Almost time for me to rinse my mouth. Walgreen's has an over the counter rinse specifically for cancer patients and it works better than the expensive prescription rinse I had been using. I am yawning again so I think I'm heading back to my couch for the time being.

I braved the razor today. I was hoping I wouldn't have to shave, but after three weeks of growth, I needed to. I took my time and feel much better now. My face was getting scratchy. The hiccups have gone and now the aches in my joints are beginning to appear. I ran to Walgreens for prescription refills and a newspaper earlier. I have spent most of the day reading. Tonight there's a few things on TV I want to watch so I got my evening all mapped out. I'm doing all right considering the next few days are the toughest part of the cycle. Kim called me after the party to thank me for her gift and the dolls. She really enjoyed the fashion show! That's so good to hear.

Just got back from Kim's house. I went early to drop off her present and the project I have been working on. Since it is her 40th, her family had to have a roast for her. I compiled a collection of Barbie Dolls with fashion statements Kim has worn throughout the years. It was fun to do. I printed up the storyline and a fond memory of meeting Kim for the first time, incorporating her sense of fashion into it. I am sorry I have to miss the actual party but I need to take it easy and rest and care for myself. I don't want to overextend myself. The Doctor recommended I slow down for the next two weeks to let my immune system rebuild itself. Kim gave me a book on Egypt so I have another book to keep me entertained. Got my pajamas on and I'm heading off to the couch to start my evening of rest and relaxation. I'm kind of being introspective lately and actually looking forward to spending this time by myself.

I'm definitely going to hibernate tonight and tomorrow if the weather stays nasty. Just got back from the clinic. I'm feeling good physically, getting bacl mentally, thanks to Julia. She is such a sweetheart and a good listener and full of wisdom. The hiccups and I are planning on lounging on the couch for the night, baking some cookies, and just taking it easy.

It's been a number of hours since I've been through treatment and it's weighing heavy on my mind. I didn't think it would have such an effect on me. The reason I got the 50% dose is to get my cell counts and the platelet count up instead of knocking them down. I handled the 50% doses very well. It is a very rational decision in regards to my treatment. I just didn't think I would go down, I expected the 100% dose or another 75% one. I have been feeling great so it's really a shock to me. Right now I'm a wreck. Everything that's gone on this week has taken a toll on me. All emotional, psychological. It might take some time, but I'll get back on track. Time for some Disney movies, they always make me feel good. Oh yeah, I'll have to talk to Char too, she'll have me laughing in no time.

My numbers were down. I got a 50% dose this morning. I was surprised, but you have good days and bad one too. I guess even though I've been feeling really good, I still need to take it slow and easy, not run so much. I will be spending an awful lot of time resting this coming week. Good thing I have plenty of reading materials, CDs, DVDs and cable to occupy my time. Here I was concerned about getting 100% that it never dawned on me to think I could get a lesser dose. Tomorrow I will get another Neulasta shot to help boost my white cell count. It's a good thing that the weather is finally going to be seasonal instead of wonderful. I'm less apt to head out in gloomy weather.

Tomorrow is my 8th treatment. It is weighing heavy on my mind. I could potentially receive 100%, the first time since being hospitalized. I know I have been tolerating each dose better as time has passed, but when I did get the 100% my immune system failed. I am concerned, going to be very watchful of every ache and pain I feel.

I was able to get out and enjoy the nice weather today. I voted, bummed around, went to the bookstore. It was a good day. I'm feeling good so I want to get out and enjoy the good weather while it lasts. Tomorrow I have more running to do in preparation for Kim's birthday party on Saturday. Happy Birthday Kim! Today is the official day, Saturday is the celebration. My next treatment is Thursday, hopefully I will be feeling good to be able to attend the festivities.

Ever have a day where you wished you had never gotten out of bed?

Not much going on today. Have been lounging about, taking it easy. Have been reading and watching TV. Nothing too exciting. I'm doing well, no noticable effects to speak of. I enjoy days like this. Maybe tomorrow I'll get out, the weather is supposed to be relatively nice. I shall see. I just might be planted on the couch again.

I just noticed this is the 111th entry I have made since I was diagnosed. Wow. I am amazed I have had things to say about my experience. I still feel like it hasn't sunk in yet, that I have cancer. That baffles me. I am feeling good today, got out and met Christine for lunch at Culver's. It's always a good day when I see her. I plan on lounging about this weekend, taking it easy, doing things around the apartment like cleaning. (I can hardly contain my enthusiasm over that.) My new favorite show on cable is Robot Chicken, so I bought the season one DVD. The show is stop motion animation using Barbies, Kens, GI Joes, and other action figures. Absolutely hilarious in content, some may find offensive, not for the young children. It's very topical and twisted. I love it! I don't have any appointments until next Thursday so I am going to keep a low profile, spend much of my time on the couch. I am getting so used to lounging now, it's hard to get up before 9:00am these days. I used to be an early riser, but thats all changed. I will have to get a whole new routine once I return to work. That's going to take quite a bit of effort on my part. Yikes.

White cell count, red cell count, platelet count are all good. Everything normal. I'm feeling good too. I wasn't too keen on getting jabbed with a needle today, luckily the plebotomist was good, it didn't hurt at all. The check up went well and I am scheduled to have my treatment next Thursday morning. I didn't like that it was snowing out and cold. Didn't like it at all. Having a good check up made it bearable. Went to Mom and Dad's afterwards for dinner. Now I'm ready for a night on the couch watching TV and reading a new book I got on Tuesday night. Tomorrow I plan on doing some running around. Last night Kim and Jody came over. Jody hung a shelf she and Carl made in the kitchen and Kim painted my dining room ceiling a vibrant green. It all looks great. I want to add an opaque pearl glaze to the ceiling for a more dramatic effect. Wednesday nights have become home improvement evenings. I have a growing list of things I want to do.

There was no egg nog flavoring available, so I had a gingerbread latte instead. It was delicious. Nothing better than enjoying a cup of coffee and reading a book. I had gone to Barnes and Noble with Brian and Ellen. I had a good time wandering the store, talking with Brian and Ellen, and of course, the latte. I have been feeling pretty good the last couple of days, mostly tired, sleeping when I can. Today, my joints ache, noticably from the waist down. I feel brittle. I have taken some pain medication, but it doesn't seem to be working yet. I'm just going to continue to rest and relax as much as I can.

I didn't realize just how tired I am. I haven't gotten far from the couch today. I pretty much slept most of the day away and still feel tired. The aches and pains are minor irritations. I feel good, just sleepy.

Five days into this round of chemotherapy and so far the effects have been minimal. My body aches slightly, moreso at night and I am tired by the end of the day. I am resting up, not pushing myself. I feel physically stronger, which helps me tolerate the treatments better. This is a good day, has been a good week. I'll take the good where I can get it.

It must be Indian Summer out there. It's sunny, nice out. I finally got off the couch and ran to the grocery store. I got milk, cookies, bread, bagels, english muffins, yogurt, juice, cereal, frozen dinners, and Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. More than I had planned on getting, but stuff I wanted. It was nice to get outside. I'm feeling pretty good. The hiccups have come and gone, my body aches slightly, and I am tired by evening , yet still feel all right. I like being able to function.

It's sunny and windy and I've slept the morning away. Feeling rather good. Not any noticable aches yet and the hiccups have been less intense this time around. All good. I'm going to get Janet later and meet up with Kim and Sarah, Jody, Mark and Sandy, Corie and Dan, and a few other people for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I am going to have a non-alcoholic margarita, yum!

It has been a good day. I feeling rather well. The hiccups have arrived, but seem rather subdued in comparison to previous visits. Knock on wood. Usually I have them when I awake in the morning, but today they didn't begin until around 4:00pm. This morning I cleaned the bathroom, dusted, straightened up some, but got distracted by the Price is Right so I didn't vacuum. I'll do that in the morning. I went to Mom and Dad's for lunch and laundry. Then to the clinic for a Neulasta shot. It was not busy and I was out in 15 minutes, I love quick office visits. Stopped at Walgreens for some prescriptions. I'm home for the evening, going to lounge on the couch and watch TV, maybe read a book too.

I am chemical today. Had my 7th treatment earlier. Everything is fine, my blood cell counts, my platelets, my weight, my blood pressure, temperature, and pulse rate. Received a 75% dose. I have my next scheduled treatment in two weeks, possibly 100% if my numbers are good. The week after that I will have the CT Scans again to check my progress. Since I am feeling good, I am not too worried about the side effects. I will monitor myself, take care of myself. I'm well into treatments, want them over as soon as possible. I want to thank the people who have continued to send me cards, I love getting them! Aunt Gail and Uncle Wayne, Aunt Sandy and Uncle Fred, Jill, Eric, and Mark, Mary Cooney. The gifts have been great too. I don't expect anything, so when there's something extra, I am appreciative. Mary sent me a horseshoe from Churchill Downs, very cool!!!!

The last couple of days I've been busy, living a semi-normal existence. I'm feeling good, have no existing aches or pains or fatigue to speak of. It's been nice. Got out and experienced the real world, hung out with friends and family, got to go shopping in Illinois. There were times I didn't even think about being sick or about cancer. The support of everyone helps me have moments like that, where I'm Matt again, just Matt, just me. Me and the world. It's been a long time since I've felt that way, since April really. The weekend I went with Char, Michelle, and Kirsi to the Indiana Dunes National Park for a quick spring break. The weather was beautiful there, shorts weather, blue skies, golden sunshine. One moment stands out the most from that weekend. I was sitting up on one of the bigger dunes, digging my hands into the sand. Char was down on the beach doing yoga, Michelle taking pictures along the shore of Lake Michigan, and Kirsi was collecting stones along the beach. I experienced a moment of clarity, of being of the earth, of being alive in the moment. It was revitalizing, calming. Char, the kids, and I still talk about that weekend. Within a month, I started feeling sick. First a tiredness, then low grade fevers, night sweats, eventually the swollen lymph nodes. I plan on going back to the Dunes with Char, Michelle, and Kirsi next spring, to reconnect, to find the peace within again.

Kim called me early this morning and informed me to be at Southridge at 10:00 for some shopping and lunch with Jody at Olive Garden. I got black shoes and had lasagna. It was nice to spend the day with Kim and see Jody. Then we visited my Mom and Dad for awhile. I ran home for a nap and returned to have dinner with them and Mike. Roast Beef, Peas and Carrots, Brocolli, mashed potatos, rolls, and chocolate pudding. Delicious. I had a good day. I'm feeling fine, no apparent side effects to mention. I'll try to keep busy the next few days, my next treatment is Thursday.

Gloomy. It's cold, windy, rainy. It might snow. I spent most of yesterday wrapped in my blanket on the couch. I watched Halloween movies on the Disney Channel. How I miss warm weather. I am worried about being outside in the cold. I had a bad headache Friday and Saturday, Tylenol gave some relief, I napped throughout the day. This morning I feel okay, iit looks icky out. Seems I'll be spending a lot of time on the couch again today.

The phone ringing woke me up this morning. I let the answering machine get it. The voice booming on the other end stated he was on his way to patch the plaster where it had fallen. I got up, called him back and got him to delay until 9:00am. I quickly showered, got dressed. The workers arrived and I was out the door. Went over by Mom and Dad's, read the paper, watched some TV. Met up with coworkers for lunch at Applebee's. Home after that, the workers were gone, wall patched and painted. Rearranged the furniture, laid down for a nap and slept for about three hours. I'm doing okay, have a headache now but no major complaints.

I just want to say Thanks to everyone at SU. It was so nice to spend some time together. The Chili was very good! I can't explain how good it felt to be there. Everyone was so nice, I appreciate all the support and encouragement and I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

Well I'm in a good mood. My check up went very well. Cell counts are good, platelets fell a little, still okay though, feeling all right. Only thing off was my temperature, slightly elevated 99.1. Casey didn't even mention it while examining me. She is encouraged by my progress and how I tolerated the 75% dosage. Makes me encouraged, optimistic. I'm in a good mood.

Spent much of the day on the couch in and out of sleep. The body still aches and I'm quite tired. I did get myself together, Jody came over after work, we went shopping and out to dinner. I'm home now, in my pajamas. going to curl up on the couch and drift off. I have a check up in the morning. I needed the rest today.

I've been up for a couple of hours now. My body is aching.

Fatigue and body aches color my day. I went over by Mom and Dad's to do laundry. Mom must have sensed my discomfort because she made my dinner while I had my clothes in the dryer. Dad tightened the serpentine belt on the Jeep and I was home a couple of hours later, asleep within 15 minutes after that and up about 6:00pm. I have been anticipating a rough time of things because of the increased dosage. Things are relatively the same, following the cycle. Tomorrow will be my "I'm not moving off the couch unless I absolutely have to" day.

I am very tired. I have slept most of the day and feel like I haven't slept at all. Surprisingly, my body aches very little. Usually by now I feel like I've been beaten repeatedly. I did manage to get out this morning to meet Mom, Dad and Dave for breakfast. I have to mention that the pepperjack and smoked sausage scramble I had was very good, flavorful and tasty. I had a nice time at breakfast. Then I came home, laid down and slept until 4:30pm. I am going to make myself dinner, mock chicken legs, garlic buttered noodles with broccoli and carrots. Then back to the couch. I'm definitely feeling the effects of chemo today.

Not much happening today. I've been tired thoughout the day, having barrages of hiccups lasting an hour at a time. Went out for a while to Walgreens for refills on prescriptions, K-Mart for some hats and a ceramic planter, and Pick and Save for food. I transplanted on plant that got too big for the planter it was in and napped this afternoon inbetween fits of hiccups. No aches and pains to mention, not doing too bad, just tired.

Here I am getting treatment yesterday. I have gotten 3 cycles (6 treatments) since July. I am feeling pretty good today. The hiccups have returned to visit. I've been busy, went to the bank, out to lunch, home to dust and vacuum. I have a 4:00pm appointment to get a shot of Neulasta and going to dinner with Mom and Dad. I'm noticing a little fatigue and my fingers are tingling a bit. Yesterday, the doctor noticed my hair growing back. He then proceeded to state "I'll take care of that." and laughed. He told me Oncologists have a peculiar sense of humor. I had to laugh with him. I told him I didn't like shaving, it's much easier to wash off my facial hair. We shall see if I start to lose what little hair I have left. One of the joys of chemotherapy. I need to get a knit hat to wear out in the cold, and I hate wearing hats. I have no choice though, want to keep myself as healthy as possible though treatment. Overall, I have been feeling good through each treatment since I got out of the hospital, there has been definite improvement and I want to keep it going.

It went very good today. The cancer is lessening, about 90% according to the doctor. All my counts were good, including my platelets. I received a 75% dose, up from the 50% I have been getting. I got a flu shot also. The doctor mentioned that the area around my left armpit is a concern, but he could not feel a lump or lymph node. He said I may have an infection there, so he is going to monitor it. I had to wait about 30 minutes to get my chemo, it was so busy and only a few nurses. While I was waiting, I was sitting across from a woman with no hair and bedroom slipper on. She got up and walked out of the clinic without receiving her treatment. I wonder if she had to wait a long time also and just got fed up. Afterwards, I went over by Mom and Dad's for dinner, Meatloaf, noodles, peas, squash, and chocolate pudding. Excellent meal! Did I mention I gained weight again this week. Soon, I will have to get larger pants!

A late night post. It's cold and windy, snowed earlier. Brrrrr. I miss summer already. For some reason, my mind is racing tonight, I can't sleep. I believe it's because I will be finding out how I'm doing, how I am responding to treatment tomorrow. Part of me is curious, part of me is terrified. People ask how I'm doing, how treatments are going and I can only repsond how the chemo is effecting me. I have no idea how the cancer is being effected. The enlarged lymph node shrunk almost immediately after the first treatment and that was the only indicator I had. I haven't had the night sweats and fevers either, which to me, is a good sign. Hopefully I will get encouraging news at my appointment.

Not much to say. Feeling okay. A little worn down. Spent most of my day lying on the couch resting. I did get over to Mom and Dad's to eat. That was my day. Tomorrow is supposed to be cold and rainy, so I plan on cleaning. A good day to spend indoors. I'm trying to rest as much as possible since I have chemotherapy on Thursday. I plan on taking my portable DVD player with me to watch The Fox and the Hound, one of my favorite Disney movies.

Part of dealing with the cancer is the mental aspect. Physically it can be brutal, but it is just as tough mentally. I have plenty of time to think about things. Lately my mindset has been how my life changed in July, how different it is now. I feel like I have stopped while everything else goes on. I'm waiting to have some semblance of my life back, even though I have changed and things will be different. Mom asked me today if I was depressed. My response was no, I just want to get back to living. When I was out on the archery field with Brian and Margaret, I didn't think about being sick, wasn't wrestling with the cancer. I felt alive, exhilarated, wonderful.
Those moments happen often and that's what keeps me going. Today on Ellen, there was some actor who had Hodgkin's. He stated that through his whole treatment he didn't think he was a cancer patient, he never thought about it. He thought about the outcome, about living. I liked what he said.

I had a busy day. I went to breakfast with Mom, Dad, and Dave. I had two eggs over easy, corn beef hash, hash browns, and a blueberry muffin, along with coffee and orange juice. I enjoyed their company, it was a nice way to start my day. I came home, removed the air conditioner, did some cleaning, and relaxed for awhile. Brian and Margie came and picked me up about 1:00pm. We went over to the archery field in Sheridan Park to try out my new bow and arrows. I couldn't pull the bow completely back, not strong enough yet. Brian was able to shoot a couple of arrows though. I like it. I'm going to work on strengthening up. I think I'm going to enjoy archery. Then we picked up Ellen and went to Barnes and Noble Bookstore. Of course I found some books to read. I did pick up Peter Pan in Scarlet. Then we went back to their house for a good dinner.

Today has been a good day. I'm feeling fine, not too many aches and pains. The sun was shining and it was nice out. I spent much of the day resting, on the couch watching TV and reading. I did some cleaning earlier, took out recyclables and the garbage. Pat and Toni stopped by for a visit. We went for a long walk down by the lake then out to dinner to Samano's for mexican food. Dinner was delicious. I really enjoyed spending time with them. Before they left, They gave me a Livestrong t-shirt. How thoughtful and touching. They are so good to me. I am tired now, will sleep good tonight.

I had a CT Scan of my neck, chest, and abdomen this morning. The test itself was rather interesting, lying on my back, arms over my head while I moved through the scanner. I had to drink this sugary, lemony liquid prior to the test. Then I was given a contrast material via IV while on the scanner. The test took about 20 minutes. I'll find out the results on Thursday, my next scheduled appointment. I have a number of days to rest and relax. I'm feeling pretty good, still tire rather easily and took about a two hour nap when I got home. I shared a pizza with Mom and Dad for lunch, it was very good. I had to fast prior to the test so I was hungry. Dad had to put up with me again this morning, I was rather jumpy and on edge, the morning traffic an obstacle course. It got the better of me.. I settled down a bit once we got to the appointment. He has the patience of a saint, I swear.

I'm agitated today. I was in no mood to be jabbed with needles. The clinic was packed with people, I waited and waited and waited, adding to my demeanor. Finally I was called. The plebotomist was rough, it hurt when she jammed the needle in, adding to my irritation. I was sent right back for my check up. I waited and waited until Anna, the nurse, came. She informed me all my numbers were up, including my platelets. I relaxed a little. I maintained my weight, 103/68 blood pressue, 89 bpm, 98.3 temperature. She told me to enjoy my weekend and return next week for my next round of chemo. I got out of the clinic one hour after I arrived. I had lunch by Mom and Dad, then I came home, I want to rest, take a nap. Hopefully I will be in a better mood afterwards. Christine, I finally read your email. I miss you too.

Another day, another round of thunderstorms. I woke up about 4:30am to storm watches, warnings, and thunder. The weather has taken on aspects of Fall. I noticed the colors instead of the green on the way back from the doctor's office. The check up went well, I am doing good, have a series of blood work to complete. The aches and pains are receding, not as bad as yesterday, still tired though. After lunch I took about a two hour nap. I have my weekly check up tomorrow and the CT Scan on Friday. Tonight I plan on resting and watching Lost and Project Runway. Mom and Dad, Thank You!!!!

One word perfectly describes how I'm feeling right now. Cruddy. I am reaching the worst point of the cycle, where my body aches completely, head to toe and I want to sleep as much as possible. This should last through the day tomorrow and I start to feel better. I'm going to soak in the tub, take some Tylenol, and get some sleep on the couch. A thunderstorm rolled through earlier and it reflected how I felt, I watched it go out over the lake from my front window. Before I lay down again, I'm going to have a chocolate malt. That'll make me feel better.

Not too much going on today. I'm finally up and moving around. The body aches, fingers tingle, and I'm tired. I need to get milk and juice so I'm going to get outside, seems rather nice out. Don't know how many days like this are going to be around, so I should be part of it. Then quickly back to the couch to lounge and rest. I saw an ad today for the sequel to Peter Pan, Peter Pan in Scarlet. Another book I will have to read. It's released on Thursday, I'll add it to my list. Thanks Char for making my morning, you always know how to get me laughing.

Thunder and lightning again. In between this morning's storms and tonight's, it was sunny, warm. I actually wore shorts today. My body is aching and I am beat. Today is Mike's birthday, so Mom made a Banana cake with chocolate frosting. It's a new Monday night tradition, Dinner with Mike, Mom and Dad. A good tradition that I look forward to. Brian picked up the bow and arrows. He tried them out, says I will have to work out a bit. I think archery will be a good challenge and a great strength conditioner for me. When I'm feeling up to it, I will try the bow out, but I imagine the real work will begin once I have gone through treatment completely. If someone had told me I would be taking up archery, I would have laughed at them. Interesting how things develop. I have no plans for tomorrow, the rest of the week is filled with doctor appointments and tests, so Tuesday is going to be a restfilled day. (and maybe a trip to get The Little Mermaid on DVD.)

What a stormy night. Wow, the lightning was incredible. Storms started coming through about 9:30pm last night and kept coming well into the day. I was up for most of the time. The aches are starting to appear and I am quite tired today. I went yesterday to the apple orchard with Brian, Ellen, Tom, Tim, Julia, Scott and Barb. It was hectic, overcrowded, warm, and I didn't find the apple I wanted. I had a good time there, but tired easily, so Tim rode back with me on the hay wagon to the barn. We just sat and watched the madness. Afterwards, we all went and had Pizza for dinner. When I got home, I proceeded to fall asleep and miss the Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives. The first storm woke me shortly after that. I did sleep at times. Today, I am going to do laundry, have dinner with Mom and Dad and Mike, and pick up my new bow, arrows, quiver, and carrying case with Brian. So starts an illustrious new hobby.