Today my enthusiasm is worn. I have been tired most of the week, and feel completely drawn out. I have been running low grade fevers the past couple of nights. I am concerned about my counts tomorrow. I have been resting as much as possible, not pushing myself. I cried a bit this afternoon, worried. It's definitely a struggle, been a down day for me. Hopefully it'll be a better day tomorrow. Mom sent home some chocolate chip cookies and a strawberry coffee cake, a recipe of her own. I'm looking forward to snacking on those tonight, a definite treat. I get to see Casey tomorrow, that makes me smile.

Currently, I feel like I've been beaten by a two by four from head to toe. The body aches have settled in. I am not very sociable, just want to lay on the couch and rest, and soak in the tub for some comfort. Tylenol doesn't really help, so I have to settle in to the aches for the today and tomorrow, then I'll start feeling better. I had dinner over by Mom and Dads tonight, spaghetti, which hit the spot and warmed my belly. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be in a better mood. I'm off to soak.

The tingling, weariness, and aching have slowly returned for a brief stay. I didn't do too much today, spent most of it flitting on and out of sleep. I did go over by Mom and Dad's for dinner, polish sausage, potato salad, baked beans, and jello. It was delicious, a very good meal. Afterwards, I stopped and got gas in the Jeep. First time I spent under $40 to fill my tank in quite a while. I started reading "Peter and the Shadow Thieves", a sequel to "Peter and the Starcatchers", which is a prequel to "Peter Pan". I recommend these books to anyone who loves to read. Tomorrow I plan on doing some cleaning, hopefully the tingling, weariness, and aching with want to clean also. Tonight I am going to try to win $1,000,000 watching "Deal or No Deal". I certainly could use the money. Oh, to dream . . .

I had a really nice day today. Brian, Ellen, and Margie picked me up at 9:00am and we went out for breakfast. I indulged and had coffee with my meal. We ran into Mom and Dad at the restaurant. Afterwards, we dropped Margie off at home, then went to Border's Books. Brian, Ellen, and I spent several hours there, of course I found a lot of books to get, settled on three this trip. We went to Southridge, wandered the mall, then back to their house. We spent some time sitting out on their front porch since it was beautiful out. I stayed for dinner, Mom and Dad, and Heidi and Mario joined Brian, Ellen, Margie, Tom and I. I am tired out, been a nice long day, but I'm ready for a nap now. Hope I stay awake to catch the Amazing Race.

In between the hiccups and the naps, I'm feeling okay. I can tell I am worn today, and getting a little achy. Following the pattern. Went over by Mom and Dad's and did laundry, had lunch. Afterwards, I came home, turned on the TV and took a nap. I got up, thought I'd make a quick post, get something to drink, and head back to the couch.

Today I just can't seem to get into the swing of things. I'm definitely out of sorts. Me and the hiccups are feeling all right, it's the motivations that are misfiring. I did finally get into the shower about 2:00pm, only because I have to go get the Neulasta shot at the clinic and wanted to be clean. Otherwise I would be on the couch. Maybe it's the cable viewing that is throwing me. I keep finding shows to watch. My guilty pleasure right now is Project Runway, so I will be seeking it out to view anytime it is on. My thought pattern has been in high gear, thinking about a lot of things. I want to go back to work, I thing I need that structure in my life, feel like I have so much time on my hands and mind. I'll see how the next weeks go and talk to the Doctor about it, even if it's part time to start off. I also think I want to take up archery. It all started back in July when I noticed an archery field over by the clinic. I go by it every time I go to the clinic and I think it would be a good hobby. Even better, there is an archery field in Sheridan park, two blocks from my apartment. I'm still toying with the idea, but am moving closer to the determination to give it a go. Well that's about it for now, will be heading out to the clinic in about 20 minutes.

Today's report was good. 114/70 blood pressure, 98.3 temperature, 92 bps, and weight a whopping 142. blood counts were good, except for the platelets again, so I received a 50% dose. Tomorrow I get another Neulasta shot. I'm feeling good, haven't napped all day! I'll probably be asleep by 9:00pm tonight! Oh well, I'll fall asleep watching cable!

I got digital cable today. So many channels to pick from!!!! Survivor starts tonight and I am psyched. I will be going for chemotherapy in a few hours, not so psyched. Right now I am going to lounge on the couch until Dad picks me up and enjoy flipping through the channels. I will post more information later today.

Raining, Raining, Raining. What a cruddy day. I did my civic duty and voted today. I did my civic duty and washed clothes today. Ate lunch with Mom and dad, came home, napped. Feeling good again today, the aches, pains, and tingling have been very tolerable. That's a good thing. Now if only the sun would shine.

Here is a picture of all the cards I have received from everyone. I appreciate all the thoughts, prayers, and good wishes. I will keep the cards up for the duration of my treatment as a source of strength and inspiration. Thanks to Aunt Sharla and Uncle Boots, Patrick, Beth, Julie, and Eileen for the latest bunch! I love getting them!

Certainly is a gray gloomy day. I'm going to have to watch "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" this afternoon. I ran out to the grocery store earlier. Of course it started pouring when I got out of the store. Last night, the heat in my apartment kicked in. I was up about 1:45am and the radiators started rattling and clanking. I was shocked! Actually, the heat is on right now as I type. Wow. Didn't realize it was that cold out. Depressing. I definitely have to watch a Disney movie this afternoon.

The rain has set in, looks like it's going to be a few dreary days. While it is not cold, it certainly isn't warm. I'm already missing Summer. Feeling all right, had a nice day. Went over by Mom and Dad's, played scrabble, had dinner, then home. It has been a restful day.

Had an adventurous day. Went to Mom and Dad's for Stuffed Green Peppers (one of my all time favorites). Tim and Julia came over, ate with us, then the three of us headed out to The Outlet Mall in Kenosha. Along the way we rocked out to Disco and 70s music via Tim's Satellite Radio. At one point we were all grooving to "Off the Wall" by MJ, it was rather amusing and fun. Once we got to the mall, I had to go to Calvin Klein, Journeys, PacSun, Zumiez. Ended up making a few purchases. I really needed those pair of shoes. Really. Justification: I'm wearing them to Disney. I had a really good time at the Mall. Now my ankles ache. I soaked in the tub earlier, wonder if I should do it again. I've been feeling very good the last couple of days, but noticed yesterday I have a rash on my neck and chest. I'll keep an eye on it, and show the Doctor Thursday if I still have it then. I sure hope I didn't react to Mr Bubble. Tonight I used some old bubble bath liquid I had been using.

Yogurt and I. Picture taken 09/08/06 9:34pm with my cell phone. Can you tell I'm bored?

Well the medical bills are starting to come in. I am dumbfounded by the cost of health care. I am thankful I have insurance. I can't imagine how someone without medical coverage would be able to afford treatment. The first bill came for my lymph node biopsy. Total charges $12,183.49. Insurance payment $12,083.49. My cost $100. That is my co-pay for hospital stays. The second bill covers my emergency room visit for my intestinal issues and my hospitalization for transfusions. Emergency room visit $5,075.06. Hospital stay $16,631.65, totalling $21,706.71. Insurance payments $21,606.71. My cost $100. The amounts are staggering, frightening. Having a major illness is not cheap. Makes me think of a bad credit card ad. Blood transfusion/Hospital stay $21,706.71. Insurance payment $21,606.71. Out of pocket expense $100.00. Love and support of family and friends, PRICELESS.

Today turned out to be a good day all around. Everything went well at the clinic, I will be having my next chemotherapy treatment next week as scheduled. All my levels are up. I did laundry, had a delicious lunch by Mom and Dad, awesome Italian Shredded Beef. Went with Dad to Aunt Gail and Uncle Wayne's to get some vegetables from the garden. Judy and Dennis were there and Aunt Gail and Judy sure made me feel like a million bucks, with their compliments and encouragement. Dad and I stopped at Sam's club, where I got stuff for the cupboards. Feeling good, upbeat. Going to read and watch TV and lounge for the evening.

The last couple of days have been about coping. Coping with the constant aches, pains, and fatigue. It's not unbearable, it just never ceases. I find comfort in sleep and soaking in the tub. I have a new nightly ritual of putting on a CD of 80s music and soaking for a good half an hour in a luxurious sudsy soapy bath. For those few moments, I feel almost human, almost normal, almost. Tomorrow I have my check up, will be interested in my cell counts, platelet count, my weight, and when my next treatment will be. Today I went to Red Lobster for luch with Mom and Dad. I recommend the cheddar garlic biscuits. Ate too much, it was good though.

I've settled into the tingling fingers and weariness stage. The random sporatic hiccups have gone for now. The next few days are going to be hard, dragging. At least I am aware of the cycle of how things go. I have some good books to read andthe new TV season is starting. I'll be on the couch if anyone wants me.

It has been a great day. Good eats for lunch and dinner, a trip to Borders Bookstore where I got some interesting reading material, a new Scrabble dictionary. Of course after a short afternoon nap, Mom, Dad, and I played a game of Scrabble, which I WON! It is rare for me to beat my mother at Scrabble. For the record this is only the second time ever. Done gloating, back to my regular hiccuping.

Slept in today, and it feels good, I feel good. Yesterday was pretty much a good day, felt better than I did on Thurdsday, more energy, less aches, and the random sporatic hiccups. Went and got a Neulasta shot, then Mom, Dad and I had Arby's roast beef sandwiches and loaded potatoes for dinner. Slept through much of the evening and settled into bed about 10:00pm. Mom got me up about 9:30am this morning. Showered, fed, going to do laundry, have a delicious lunch of Italian Sausage, Hot Dogs, and Corn on the Cob. The hiccups and I wish you all a great day.