Once Upon A Time 5:58 PM

I have spent more time going through my belongings and the memories attached to them. It has been quite an amazing journey. So many little things have such fond memories. It is hard to let go of many incidentals. I am disposing of much clutter and stream-lining, and didn't anticipate the stroll down memory lane.

Deciphering 5:40 PM

I drifted off to sleep on the couch this morning. (For those of you who are wondering, I actually have been sleeping in my bed as of late.) I had a very strange dream which I will try to convey. I was attending a work(?) function at an old brown-brick school. The halls were decorated with balloons, streamers; pop music playing from the sound system. I was wandering the halls looking for someone. Everyone there was wearing party hats; people from past jobs, old friends, extended family; people I have known throughout the years. In each classroom there were clowns wearing popcorn bucket hats playing carnival games for prizes. As I looked for who I wanted to meet, I wandered outside, into a light rain, lit a cigarette, and watched moving trucks trying to parallel park on the street in front of the school. The leaves were off the trees, which were covered with lights and streamers. I asked people entering and leaving the building if they saw who I was meeting and the answer was whatever song was playing, as if they were singing it. I woke up at that point. It took me a moment to recollect where I was. Strange.

(Un)Social Security Updated 9:54 AM

It has been two years in the making and still records have not been updated. The lastest report is somewhat encouraging though. One office located in Chicago has the correct information, but not the money collected from retaining my tax returns and rebate check. This information must be generated at the local office, which will be doing so within the next several months. Until this is resolved, there will be no more attempts to collect money I do not owe. All I can do is wait for the slow wheels of government to grind its way through the process.

Diagnostics 5:11 PM

The check engine light has been going on, off ocassionaly while driving the Jeep. I figured that I should have it checked out since I am going to be driving the vehicle for a while, and for miles and miles on my journey south. I took it in to have a diagnostic check done and the print out was several feet long, but the actual troubleshooting list was short. The diagnostics detected a cyclinder misfire number 1 withprobable cause ignition system fault-spark plugs, ignition wires, coil (just replaced recently); vacuum leak; injector fault; high or low fuel pressure. Now to disseminate this information and figure out just what the actual issue is and get it fixed. I was relieved it wasn't pages upon pages of defects, I do keep up with the maintenance to keep the Jeep running and I want to keep the Jeep running for some time.

A Place To Call Home 2:45 PM

Here is a look at my new digs in Fort Lauderdale.

Overwhelmed, But I Got Books To Read 7:58 PM

I wanted to read, but didn't find any book to capture my attention so I ran out to Barnes and Noble to browse through the shelves. Spent a couple of hours, skimmed quite a number of books. At one point, I wanted to grab about 10 different titles. Settled on three paperbacks, all authors I haven't read before. Should keep me busy through the weekend, like having books to pick up and browse when the need to read strikes. The Toffee Mocha from Starbucks is pretty good too!

Overwhelmed, But I Did Get Cheese Slices 3:32 PM

I finally ventured into Woodman's Market today after meeting Christine for lunch at Tazino's. The store is huge. I managed to get a parking spot close to the side doors, walked in, grabbed a cart, and wandered. I have been meaning to go there since it opened, but haven't because of it's cavernous size. I drifted aisle to aisle, throwing things I needed as I ran across them. I am not sure I liked shopping there, in part, the frenzied atmosphere of too many people, the long wait at the registers, the unfamiliarity of the layout of the store, and the size of the place left me overwhelmed. The prices were decent, got everything I had on my list, just think I like the small confines of my local grocery store better.

A Day At A Time 5:09 PM

Being gone on Monday has completely thrown the week. I wanted to get started on so many things and haven't done much of anything yet. I have time, so that's not an issue, just need a game plan and settle into a routine. Tomorrow. (Procrastination at it's best.) So instead I'm going to have some fun, meeting up for lunches, going out for dinners, street festivals, even the circus. It'll all come together eventually. I think.

In Tune 6:55 PM

I found this while browsing through videos today on you tube. I think it's kind of interesting. I was able to identify all but one song. See how much you know about Disney music, it does have a mix of old and new. I had fun, will post more quizzes as the days progress.

(I still can not believe it's July already)

Back In Wisconsin 6:17 AM

Woke up this morning and for a moment I didn't recognize where I was! Then it came to me. No Palm trees out the window. Sigh. Heat and humidity though, which is nice. I had an experience while in Florida. So much to think about now. I could live there, no doubt. The question is do I go live there? This is where it gets difficult for me. As much as I want to (and I do want to), there are things here that I find just as appealling (though not the cold and snow). Some divine guidance would be nice. For now, I will take all things into consideration and see what goes. Thank you Mom and Dad for all your support and understanding!

Florida Edition 5:35 AM

I spent the day exploring, getting to know the streets, the city, the rental car. Enjoyed the discoveries, the hot weather, the afternoon rainstorms. I really like it here!

All Systems Go 7:53 PM

In days I will be setting out on a journey, one I have dubbed eight days to change my life. I have started to gather things together for the trip, downloaded the GPS Navigator program on my cell phone for when I motor through Florida, I just may have an idea of where I'm going. While I will be driving a rental, the Jeep had a minor issue that concerned me for a bit but turned out to be a loose heat protector that made a lot of noise. Doctor appointments have been encouraging and good. I have found my inner spark after a long dark period and have now stopped blaming myself solely for things that have transpired over the course of time, recognizing those involved have their own "issues" that have nothing to do with me. Going through the cycle of renewal.

Reflection 11:31 AM

I wrote this back in 2002 for whatever reason. I've posted it here once. I read it and it got me thinking about things.

I couldn’t help but stare at myself in the mirror. Happiness. Anger. Fear. Weariness. Innocence. Loathing. Humility. Frustration. Temptation. Failure. Many were well represented. I almost didn’t recognize myself even though I know myself. I saw things etched there that no longer mattered, affect me throughout, things that haven’t taken there toll yet. I saw too much. I was still that timid little boy awed by the world around me. If I looked hard at myself I could catch a glimpse of him staring back at me in awe and wonder. How one could be marked and weathered and aged.

I have been thinking.

Thinking about what I want to do, where I want to go, what I want to change. I've been thinking about people who have come into my life, thinking about people who have gone too. Thinking how people effect and change a person (me) as I make my way, trying to find the balance, the harmony, the things that make me who I am, the things I am capable of, being witty, enthusiastic, popular, intelligent, gifted, vibrant, magnanimous, charismatic, principled, self-sufficient, compelling, sentimental, accomplished, noble, healthy and work on being less bombastic, dissatisfied, ruthless, demanding, opinionated, mawkish, egocentric, defensive, foolhardy, willful.

I have been thinking.

thinking how nice it would be to have Char call me up and say hey let's go shout out suggestions for the actors at the next Comedy Sportz show, or to have Brian call me and say let's go over to the bookstore and browse the shelves, Doug to call me up and say we need to get down to Six Flags and ride the Raging Bull a few times, Kim to call and say let's go rent some movies and sit up all night talking.

Thinking about how things were, when did things change? Enough is enough. You have caused too many problems. You have crossed the line. You have taken advantage of things for the last time. Is that who you see me as? I am not that person. I have been thinking that.

I have been thinking about how Mom calls and says you want to play a game of scrabble and order a pizza?, about Tim and Julia calling and saying we need to get down to the Outlet Mall in Kenosha, or Jody calling and saying "Cha-Ching", Pat calling from Michigan and saying I was just thinking about you, thought I'd give you a call, Christine calling and saying it's all about the Big Mac.

I have been thinking about the people in my life, the people I wanted in my life, the ones who make a difference, the ones I could talk to about anything and everything. Focusing on what made the world a little better, brighter.

I reflect upon the good times, the not so good times and think of the people who get me through it all.

I'm Guilty 8:42 PM

I took a nap on this gray, rainy, cold day. The television was on, droning in the background. I had it on the Disney channel. In between sleep and waking up I heard this song and it rattled through my head, even when I dozed off again. I had to find out what it was after I got up and it was still stuck in my head. And I like it lots! HEY!!!!

It Depends On Who You Talk To 2:54 PM

Since it was such a beautiful day out, I decided to get out there and enjoy it. Went to Stone Creek Coffee, ordered a Mocha, and sat out on the patio. I watched traffic, I watched people, I watched birds, enjoyed the sun. A guy came out to sit in the sun and took the table next to me. We started talking. Turns out he has stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma, terminal. We chatted for about thirty minutes. Lokking at him, you would never guess he was ill, but the lymphoma was spread throughout his body, he has been battling it for about five years. Conventional treatment has not been working so he is going through three different experimental treatments. He told me he knew what he was facing, yet was happy, optimistic. I ended up telling him my story, my situation. He listened and gave me advise in parting. Follow your heart.

A Box Of Feathers 5:04 PM

A mystery in the making. I received a package via UPS. I couldn't recall purchasing anything recently so thought somebody sent me a present. (I'm deserving.)

It has a typed label with my name and address, with a return address out of Florida. A web search has come up empty, no identification, and the UPS site is not informative either. What's interesting is the contents. Feathers. Lots of feathers. White with black tips. Hmmm...

When you find feathers upon your path it could be taken to mean that you are on a higher spiritual path (whether you accept it or not), and it may be a sign of encouragement as you philosophically travel on this path.

Finding feathers on your path is also symbolic of having a lighter outlook on life or a particulary situation. When we see feathers in our midst it is considered a message that we need to lighten up, not take things too seriously, and try to find the joy in our situation.

Some common symbolic meaning of feathers are:

Heightened awareness
Light heartedness
Enlightenment
Prayer
Divinity
Progress

Interesting indeed . . .

Viewing Habits 7:51 PM

Having time on my hands, I have become accustomed to the day time TV schedule on cable. I now find myself watching shows that I never would have given a second glance to. One in particular is Little House on the Prairie. I ran across it while flipping channels one day. Every morning I tune in to see it. Today's episode happened to be about Mary going blind and I found myself on the edge of my seat as her sight failed and wanted to scream as she cried out for Pa. I laugh at myself for this one, I never would have thought I'd be hooked on the saga of the Ingall's family as I was as a child. I need to find a job!

The Phone Won't Stop Ringing 5:14 PM

Today my telephone (landline) has been ringing non-stop. Some of the calls I actually answered, most I've let the answering machine get. Seems that since I have registered at so many job sites, my name has been released to many solicitors, none of which I am interested in dealing with. So much for the no call list. When the phone rings, I look to see who it is, if I don't recognize the name, I don't answer. Unfortunately none have been job offers, prize notifications, or the one person who I want to talk to the most. Oh well, the answering machine is keeping busy.

Technically Speaking 6:53 PM

I received my new cell phone today and have it charging up. There are so many features to this phone it's going to take me days to figure out what I'm doing. Don't be surprised if I accidently ring you in the next couple of days! I'm excited to have it and going to be utilizing it alot. I like my new toy and I haven't even used it yet!

Homefront 3:43 PM

Not much going on lately. Just kicking around the apartment, running errands, laying low. Applied for a couple of jobs online, playing games, watching TV. Met Christine for lunch today, it was nice to see her, talked about my trip to Disney, her planned trip there, just living life day by day. I now have a day time TV schedule to go along with the evening one. That's just plain wrong!