Part of dealing with the cancer is the mental aspect. Physically it can be brutal, but it is just as tough mentally. I have plenty of time to think about things. Lately my mindset has been how my life changed in July, how different it is now. I feel like I have stopped while everything else goes on. I'm waiting to have some semblance of my life back, even though I have changed and things will be different. Mom asked me today if I was depressed. My response was no, I just want to get back to living. When I was out on the archery field with Brian and Margaret, I didn't think about being sick, wasn't wrestling with the cancer. I felt alive, exhilarated, wonderful.
Those moments happen often and that's what keeps me going. Today on Ellen, there was some actor who had Hodgkin's. He stated that through his whole treatment he didn't think he was a cancer patient, he never thought about it. He thought about the outcome, about living. I liked what he said.