Personal Space 4:19 PM

I went shopping at Target today. I was looking to get underwear, so I was browsing the different brands when all of a sudden I sensed someone standing next to me. It was an older man who was just standing there. I wonder why it seems like anytime I stop to look at something, someone comes along and needs to look in the exact same location as me. I didn't need to purchase any, so I left the aisle. It was like an intrusion.
I ran into Heidi and Mario while I was wandering the store. It was nice to see them. I ended up getting a CD, a DVD, some coffee, and snacks.

The Social Security Administration has discovered that I returned all the payments in question and has noted my account. I will be receiving notification in the mail. Once I do, I will finally feel that the situation has been solved. The clerk I spoke with was well informed and seemed competent. I'll be glad to have this settled once and for all.

Where Credit Is Due 4:42 PM

I have gotten my credit reports from the three major agencies. I was surprised to see that there wasn't too many bad marks, a number of questionable ones, and good reports. I will be disputing the bad and questionable reports in order to clear up my credit. It is fair, but I want excellence. That way I will be able to acquire things that I want to get. I should have done this sooner, but I am now taking the necessary steps.

Full Time 3:53 PM

Started the day early. Tim picked my up about 8:30am, we ran out to Scott's house and changed the tires on Tim's Jeep. Then we went out for breakfast, did some shopping, had to stop at the book store of course, ran to the library, then over to Steve's house. It was non-stop, fun, and busy. Now I'm going to lounge for a while. More running to do tomorrow, Nicholas's first communion party, and I want to stop at Brookfield Square. I like when my days are filled up.

Questions 7:45 PM

While everything is going well, I find myself questioning so many things in my life. I feel adrift and get lost within my thoughts lately. I almost feel desperate to hold on to things to stabilize myself. I'm not depressed, or irrational, just want the best in everything, and trying to figure it all out, find where I belong. So many things I was content with no longer appease me, other things I believed I wanted I no longer think about. I have waited so long to hear the news I got yesterday, it feels great, now leaves a big question mark on my future. It's wide opened and I don't want to settle for anything less than what I want. I just have to figure what it is I want. Besides leaving behind this feeling of unease.

All Clear 3:10 PM

Just got home from my oncologist appointment. Everything is good, great in fact. All blood counts normal, the scans clean and clear, all lymph nodes back to normal sizes, no traces of lymphoma anywhere. I will go in for a follow up in three months, no lab work or scans, just a follow up. That kind of news put a smile on my face. Today at work was the monthly food day, a tailgate party with hot dogs, all the fixings, and plenty of side dishes and desserts. Best of all, it was casual day too.

Caller Identification 7:00 PM

I'm not sure how long it's been happening but anytime the phone rings, the caller ID appears on my TV screen. It took me a while to figure it out. I get the combined TV/Phone/Internet package from the cable company and it must be one of the services provided. Now I don't even have to get off the couch while watching TV to see who's calling. Technology at it's finest and me at my laziest. What a combination.

Sirens 7:55 PM

Through out the day, I heard sirens. First, at work, paramedics had to come after a woman collapsed . On the way home, I had to pull over to let several police cars go by on Rawson Avenue. Then tonight, fire trucks and ambulances were called to the building next door. Interesting how wailing sirens catch and hold your attention.

Shack and the City 3:23 PM

Over the weekend I encountered two different types of customer service. I wanted to get some accessories for the Zune, did some research on the Internet, and decided to stop in at Radio Shack which I had a coupon and they had reasonable prices. I searched the MP3 section and could only find IPod accessories. I asked the sales clerk for assistance. He told me they do not carry Zune because they are inferior to IPod and there is no demand for Zune products. I showed him print outs from the Radio Shack website. He told me that I should order off the site and walked away. I decided I wouldn't be purchasing anything from Radio Shack. I drove to Circuit City, browsed their MP3 area, and couldn't find what I was looking for. An associate asked if I needed help. I explained what I wanted. He went to their computer, looked the information up and ordered the components for me. I received the 10% discount for the Radio Shack coupon, plus and additional 10% Circuit City discount and free shipping of the items, which will be delivered directly to me. What a difference in customer service. Next time I will consider Circuit City and not even bother with Radio Shack.

Innundated 4:07 PM

The weather called for rain today. It's mostly been cloudy, with no rain at all. My apartment on the other hand has been flooded with asian beetles, box elder bugs, wasps, and various other insects. The warmer weather has brought out all the creepy crawlers at once. I've been spraying, swatting, squishing lots of bugs.

Shaken Not Stirred 6:21 PM

Most of the talk today centered on the earthquake that happened this morning at 4:37am. I just happened to be up at that time and didn't notice a thing. When the news came on at 5:00am, it was breaking news. The building I live in rattles and groans on it's own so if it did make any movements or noise, it wasn't anything I heard or felt before. Of course throughout the day, I had to elaborate on the story. The weather is starting to get nicer bit by bit, which is a good thing, I'm itching to spend more time outdoors.

BREAKING NEWS: Walking Man has been spotted driving his van today.

Sometimes it's Better Not Knowing 3:35 PM

I was craving ice cream, so I checked out Kopp’s website to see the flavor of the day. "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough". One of my favorite flavors is Blue Moon. Part of the fun, besides it being this cool blue color, is trying to figure out what the flavor of it really is. It became a topic of discussion. Well this woman who heard the discussion proceeded to tell me “It’s made with . . .” and the realization of what she told me struck. It won't stop me from getting it when it's on the menu, but the mystery of it is now over.

All Aglow 1:42 PM

Radioactive for the day. The nuclear medicine makes me feel blah, worn. I think it's because of the fasting, having an empty stomach. It's not to bad today, took snacks with me to munch on afterwards, just got done eating some lunch. I will be trying to nap soon, but there are workers here blasting the sides of the building. They are up on the roof too, so I might not be able to sleep. I'll just lounge and read, waiting for the glow to fade. I have my oncology appointment next week and will find out the results of the scans then. Clean scans are my desire.

Directions 3:44 PM

Interesting day at work. Company made some management decisions that will propel the company in a new direction, hopefully a good one. People did lose their jobs, all management positions, and responsibilities shifted. It made for an unsettling morning, by afternoon things seemed to have quieted down. No one was directly effected in my department. How the changes play out is yet to be seen.

Tomorrow I have the CT and Pet scans in the morning. I begin my fasting period tonight, twelve hours before the scans, so I plan on snacking and eating right up until the last minute. After 8:30pm it's water only for me. I'm going to eat a large dinner. While the scans are no big deal, the fast and the radioactive dye make it an adventure.

Getting Closer 12:33 PM

I just received the stop order on my wage garnishment from the social security administration. Good news. What a relief. Now the case should take a turn for the better and they will discover I do not owe them any money, I did not collect any disability benefits. Until I get that notification, I will continue to work with the contact at my congressman's office. Things are definitely looking up. One more person to talk to and things will be just fine. It's nice to have hope that things will be all right.

I did dance last night, escaped into music. Today, the body is letting me know I pushed my limits a bit, but it felt great stomping around, staying out late. I will be napping throughout the day to recover. Tomorrow I'll venture out for coffee, or an ice cream, or Target or something.

Haunted 6:36 PM

It's Friday night, and I am venturing out to my old stomping grounds, the east side, specifically Mad Planet. I will be immersed in 80s alternative music. Hopefully the body will move as it had back then. Do I even remember how to dance? It's been quite a while since I've thrown my self around to the beats. Hopefully it won't beat me up to badly. I'll probably just hover in a dark corner, but the plan is to dance my ass off.

Cover to Cover 4:39 PM

On a cold, damp, rainy day, it's perfect for curling up on the couch under a blanket and reading. That's exactly what I plan on doing. The TV's on and I have a good book calling my name. I got bloodwork done in anticipation of my upcoming doctor's appointment and the Pet and CT scans are scheduled for next week Tuesday. That pretty much covers all that is going on these days.

Words 3:34 PM

Excepts taken from "The Last Lecture" by Dr Randy Pausch

- Loyalty is a two-way street.
- Never give up.
- You get people to help you by telling the truth. Being earnest. I'll take an earnest person over a hip person
every day, because hip is short term. Earnest is long term.
- Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself.
- Get a feedback loop and listen to it. ... Anybody can get chewed out. It's the rare person who says, oh my god,
you were right. ... When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.
- Show gratitude.
- Don't complain. Just work harder.
- Be good at something, it makes you valuable.
- Work hard.
- Find the best in everybody. ... No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side; just keep waiting, it will come out.
- Be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

Makes you think about things and people. It's about missing your parents, who are spending days in a warmer clime; missing someone you consider your best friend, not being afraid of letting them know you value the friendship, and are grateful for the time spent, wondering what they've been up to, hoping you get to see them sooner rather than later; missing your brother who lives a short distance away, yet you haven't had the opportunity to get together lately; working on solving dilemmas to make life easier; working to improve yourself to be a better person. I find the this to be inspirational.

Dressing for Work and Lunch 6:01 PM

One careless movement and I ended up wearing my lunch. Somehow as I was removing it from the microwave at work, I flipped my turkey dinner to the floor at my feet. Turkey, dressing, gravy, cherry cobbler on my pants, shoes, and socks. Of course I dressed up today, not my usual casual attire. It happened on a day when I was hungry and had no other food in the freezer or snacks in my desk. I was able to clean it up decently. Marti saved the day and brought me chicken strips and pasta salad. I'm chuckling about it still, as I write. The clothes are in the washer, it was time to do laundry again anyways.

Saturday and Sundae 6:07 PM

Spent most of the weekend running around. Started out early Saturday morning by Char's house helping set up and working the rummage sale. Ran to McDonalds for lunch, watched and played with Kaiyah, took her in the Stroller aroundthe neighborhood, walked to Boy Blue with her and Kirsi and got everyone ice cream. I spent the whole day outside and it was incredible. Once the rummage was finished, drove out to Kim's. Her and I went to check out designs for the tattoo I want to get, should I be so bold. Then we went to the Home Show along with Scott, Sarah, and Nicholas, wandered through the expo and stopped to pick up some ice cream for some sundaes with homemade hot fudge sauce. In the morning, after coffee and breakfast, I left Kim's and headed over to Jody's for a day of shopping. We finished the day off having turtle sundaes. Now I'm home, time to unwind and settle on the couch for a night of reading and TV watching. It was a nice, active, calming weekend, compared to the unsettled week I had. Ice cream always makes for a great day.

The Phone Call and The Van 6:43 PM

One twenty minute phone call change the course of the social security debacle. I spoke with the a staff member of my congressman this morning, explained the situation, she made a few calls herself, and a stop order on the wage garnishment was placed, while my case is being reviewed. She managed to accomplish in two short hours what I have been trying to get done the past six months. While the case isn't completely over (social security needs to figure out I did not collect payment, therefore I owe no money), at least I am not being steam-rolled over by the government and my wages are not being stolen from me. I now have an advocate to work with. (Thank you Leeanne for pointing me in the right direction!)

My universe is not spinning out of control.

Christine and I went to Taco Bell for lunch today. Walking Man's van was parked in the lot. We expected him to be sitting at his table highlighting passages in his bible, but he was not. We watched and waited while we ate. He never showed up while we were there. We figured he must be out walking.

The Lobbyist 8:26 PM

Tonight's adventure: The buzzer to my apartment doesn't work. Around 7:15pm the UPS guy came with some packages I ordered so I went down to the lobby to meet him. I didn't grab my keys. Now you know where this is going. Without thinking, I opened the outside door for him and let the lobby door close behind me. As I signed for the packages, I told the UPS guy I just locked myself out. I tried all the buzzers. No response, there was nobody in the building. I sat and waited until 8:20pm when my neighbor across the hall finally arrived and now I'm back in my apartment. I laughed. It fits right in with the kind of off kilter days I've been having. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Getting There 2:54 PM

After yesterday, I needed time to refocus and regroup. I don't feel as scattered as I have in the past couple of days. Things still haven't been resolved, but at least I feel I am in the process of getting things done. I wrote my Congressman about the SSI debacle and have contacted the SS office daily to push things along. All things will get back to good, I'm sure of it.

Feeling Hopeless 2:04 PM

The Govenment is about to garnish my wages for unpaid social security disabilty benefits and not one person in the Social Security Administration is concerned about the situation. I have been made to feel like I am at fault, that despite not collecting the money, they have the right to take my income. Even though I have followed procedures within the system, the system is now victimizing me and I have nowhere to turn for help or assistance. It's frustrating, demoralizing, and all seems hopeless to stop the government. Seems like my whole universe is shaken and I'm losing things left and right and in Bay View.