Monday, June 08, 2009


Today I admitted to someone other than myself my insecurities, doubts, and the tumultuous self destructive journey I have been on. Opening up and letting my fears, faults, and troubles out seems trivial to hear, but sparked a realization in me that hasn't been there for quite some time. What has plaqued me and kept me spiralling for months now has been the fact that I lost my faith in things around me. Trust, decency, respect. I have been beating myself up because I lost those aspects around me and have become wrapped up in finding it around me. I am flawed, and been asking for forgiveness and understanding, but never had I done that for myself. In speaking about my issue, I realized that the faith in myself is still present, not lost, as I perceived it to be. That being said, I still have plenty to comprehend within myself and work to stand again. I've made mistakes, none out of malice or spite, so I am not the monster I have come to believe I must be. I still ache from things that have happened, but in time I will know how I will live with those scars.